Kevin Ryan Bids Emotional Farewell to New York City: “I’m Garbage, But This City Made Me Classy”
In a moment that left fans and fellow comedians stunned, Are You Garbage? co-host Kevin Ryan delivered a heartfelt farewell to the city he’s called home for years. Standing outside his favorite bodega, with a bacon, egg, and cheese in one hand and a Gatorade in the other, Ryan wiped away a single tear as he addressed the crowd.
“This city gave me everything,” Ryan said, voice cracking. “The overpriced apartments, the rats that double as emotional support animals, and the cab drivers who never hesitate to roast me… I’ll miss it all.”
Joined by his longtime podcast partner H. Foley, Ryan reflected on his journey from Philadelphia to New York’s comedy scene. “I came here garbage. I leave… still garbage, but with a slightly better wardrobe and a deep love for a good deli sandwich.”
Foley, emotional but composed, added, “We knew this day was coming. Kev always said if he ever got priced out of his shoebox apartment, he’d have to hit the road. And now, here we are. Moving back in with his mom.”
As Ryan packed up his belongings—mostly Mets merch, podcast equipment, and a framed photo of an $18 cocktail he once regretted ordering—he promised fans that Are You Garbage? would continue, no matter where he landed.
“I’ll still be around,” he reassured listeners. “New York might not be my home anymore, but it’ll always be the city where I learned that putting ketchup on a hot dog is a federal offense.”
While Ryan’s next destination remains unclear, rumors swirl that he may return to Philly or embark on a cross-country comedy tour to find out if America, as a whole, is garbage.
Stay tuned for more updates—because even if Kevin Ryan leaves New York, the city will never leave him.
